Holy Orders
by Casino Nights
Summary: (Collab fic, written by Casino Nights and Says Emily) Crack/AU, in which Ky Kiske opens a restaurant. Hilarity and confusion ensues, much to the irritation of Testament. Follow the characters as they try to run opposing food establishments- how can they possibly screw this up? Just remember, "Holy orders! We take 'em... for YOU!" (Chapter 3 is up!)
1. Prologue

**A/N (Says Emily):** Hey there! This is what you may call the 'prologue' (or the first chapter) of this collaborative fic between **Casino Nights **and **Says Emily. **I do hope you enjoy this chapter, it was written by me, **Says Emily**. However, **Casino Nights** _insisted _it be uploaded here. (Although it was his idea, to be fair). So the whole story will be on this account.

Without further ado, enjoy!

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Prologue

Two piercing red eyes looked out of a large glass window, glaring as if it had done some terrible offence to the world. An offence beyond the point of anything being done about it, and causing any resentful persons to glare and do not much else. Of course, Testament was not glaring _at _the window, but rather the interesting new sign that had been placed in the window of the smaller building across the street. He did feel as though he had been faced with a situation that had dealt him a great deal of offence; hence why he was stood in the window of his restaurant giving the most almighty death stare any politically correct person would most likely have ever have had to experience in their otherwise un-glare-worthy lives.

He had only noticed the sign just now, as he was closing up for the night. It read "_Holy Orders – Grand Opening in five days!_" Yes of course, he had noticed the works being done to the building. And, yes, the bright blue-and-white exterior of the offending structure had been blinding him with its garishness for the past few weeks now. But the reason for his irritation had stemmed from the smaller text _under _the sign. The text that read "_Fully licensed restaurant". _He really didn't need the competition right now, especially not competition from someone who had bought the land that was once rightfully _his_.

He only blamed himself for this, although he'd never admit it to anyone. His adoptive father had told him that Justice was bad news. So, naturally, he'd ignored his father's pleas (-turned-bitter-arguments) and had left saying he wanted nothing more to do with the man.

He was convinced at the time that his newfound relationship with Justice was the best thing that had ever happened to him. They'd even opened the very restaurant Testament owned now, and had made a reasonably good job of it. As far as he was concerned at the time, he was the happiest he'd ever been. That was, until he found out about the cheating. Finding out that Justice had had flings with numerous different people, (including That Man who she had eventually run off with, leaving everything in Testament's name) had hit him hard. But he supposed that it made sense, considering that he had always had the sneaking suspicion that Dizzy –who was clearing the last of the tables, unaware of the glaring going on by the window- wasn't really his. But she was the only true light left in his life, and so he considered her his daughter regardless. He hadn't even minded when she came home one night with her hair dyed bright blue and was claiming she'd made a "brilliant new group of friends; they even act like pirates! So cool!" He still loved her, ghastly hair colour and all.

He blamed himself because Kliff, his adoptive father, had run into a financial issue around three years ago. This had forced the sale of the land and building that was opposite Testament's restaurant. Once upon a time, Testament was going to inherit the very same land, until he had severed all ties with Kliff. (For reasons previously stated). So, all in all, Testament was very bitter about the whole situation.

He was angry, as it was almost as if Kliff were mocking him for his foolishness. As if Kliff had _purposely_ allowed this to happen. All Testament could do was hope that _'Justice is Served'_ -(previously known as "_Justice and co. Food outlet_"; Testament had done a lot of work in the sixteen years since Justice's departure to greatly improve the overall image and quality of the restaurant, although previous name was often mistakenly used by many)- could still pull in the customers after this new place opened.

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**A/N- **Hey, **Casino Nights **here! The next chapter will be written by me. We promise that the whole story will make its way onto the site, but our updating schedule may be a bit erratic. We've already written the next chapter out anyway, so stay tuned!


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N- **Hey! It's **Casino Nights **here again with a new chapter. I wrote almost all of this myself- but **Says Emily **_insisted _that she should change a few lines to match the prologue (Because that and this chapter were originally going to be one chapter, but we decided to split them instead). **Says Emily** said to try to guess which small parts she did.

**DISCLAIMER-** Neither I or **Says Emily **own any of the characters in this fic.

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_Five days later..._

The streets of the city were quiet, only a light wind was blowing that rose the stray pieces of paper littered on the roadside right up into the air. At 6AM, no-one seemed to be around, as all of the shops in the area were closed. Most of them were the average clothes, video games and sweet shops, but they were quite small and didn't get very many customers because of this reason. If you walked along the street that morning you would think it was some sort of ghost town, with the shops shut and the rubbish on the floor. Although your thoughts _might_ have been altered by the fact that you're actually fully dressed and walking around the city at that ridiculous hour. No one would be crazy enough to do that...

As it turned out, I was wrong.

Two buildings in the square stood out from the rest, both dwarfing the shops surrounding them in size. One of them looked like a rather up-end establishment. Large windows, dark, stylish paintwork, ornate but not old-fashioned-looking furniture, any passer-by could tell that some serious thought had gone into the design of the building. The other building, although not quite as tall as the first, was made out of traditional bricks, and its walls were painted blue and white. It also looked like it had been plated with plastic in some parts, sporting the same colours regardless. It shone on the street, looking brand-new. They were situated opposite each other, and by the looks of the shop signs, they were going to be doing the same thing- selling fast food. The one shop sign was in bold print, capital letters, a very dark red on a blue rectangular sign template, and it read 'Justice is Served'. The other, once again, was very different. The name of the shop was also in capitals, but was printed in bright blue over a white background. This one read 'HOLY ORDERS', and underneath that someone had crudely painted 'We take them... for YOU!' in the same colour, but in a drastically different handwriting. And if you looked inside the shop window, you would be able to see multiple posters stuck to it, all saying the same thing- 'HOLY ORDERS – MUCH BETTER THAN JOFO ("Justice and co. Food outlet" was the original name; lovingly shortened by an over-enthusiastic Chipp) - OPENING TODAY!'

...

The lights were on in the 'restaurant', if you could call it that, and a white-haired teenager was pacing up and down the aisles, twitching occasionally. "Damnit, Ky! We only have 2 more hours before we can open, and we haven't even cooked the food! What's wrong with you?"

Ky, looking up from his position on one of the chairs, said, "Why are you blaming me, Chipp? Your sentence was not even grammatically correct-"

"Shut UP! Why haven't we cooked the food yet? Why is everything so quiet outside? Why aren't people lining up for our food? Oh wait, it's because we haven't COOKED IT YET!" Chipp picked up a chair and threw it across the room.

Ky ducked to avoid it and replied, "You know what- you are not even making any sense. We don't have to cook the food until people start to show up, and that will only be AFTER we have opened the restaurant..." he sighed, letting his head sink onto the table. "Anyway, Baiken will be taking care of that..."

Meanwhile, Baiken was in the restaurant's kitchen, getting the food ready for the grand opening. She, like everyone else in the restaurant, had to wear a white apron with a nametag on it that said, 'YOU ARE BEING SERVED BY (Insert name here). BON APPETIT!' However, she was angry. Why was she angry? Because she had to wear a 'pathetic' hair net that was much too big for her. Why was it too big for her? Well, Ky had ordered everyone their uniforms online, and for some stupid reason he ticked the wrong boxes on Baiken's uniform sheet, meaning that she got the EXACT same uniform as Millia's. Right down to the nametag (Which she scratched Millia's name off and crudely carved her name into it with her samurai sword, completely obscuring all the other text) and hair net, which explains why it was too big.

Cutting up the potatoes into French fries at lightning speed with her sword, she heard a harsh knock on the kitchen door (Baiken wanted a lock installed on the door so the other 'idiots' that worked here wouldn't be able to disturb her). She growled and put the sword on the counter, walking towards the door. Unfortunately, the knocker was clearly infuriated and decided to slice the door in two, shouting 'ALPHA BLADE!' as he did so.

The girl was fuming now, and shouted, "CHIPP! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?"

Responding impossibly fast, he said, "Have you cooked the food yet?"

Baiken then shouted, "No! There's two HOURS before we open! Get the HELL out of the kitchen!"

She looked over Chipp's shoulder to see Ky under a pile of chairs. Groaning, she kicked him in the groin and slammed the non-existent door, essentially slapping him so hard in the face that he flew over to the other side of the room and on top of the Ky chair pile. She took a few deep breaths before continuing to cut the potatoes as if nothing had happened.

"Two more hours to go..." she said grudgingly under her breath, "Two more hours to go..."

Another girl, this one with very, very long blonde hair that was in a hairnet so big she looked like Marge Simpson, had just walked out of the kitchen toilet to find the door kicked in and an angry Baiken that was going the same colour as her hair (Pink if you didn't know already. Pink with rage.). She asked, "What was all the noise about? Did the cooker explode?"

Baiken replied, "Shut up, Millia. The cooker didn't explode. Dumbass Chipp was being a dumbass."

"Ahhh, I see now."

"Well, are you going to help me prepare the food or not?"

"Yes, of course. Did you hear from Ky that this place is gonna be packed with people when it opens?"

The potato chopper facepalmed. "That's a given, Millia. Did you know that some toilet roll is pink, but some isn't?" She asked sarcastically.

Millia was intrigued. "Isn't that interesting...?" she mused to herself.

Baiken felt like putting her face on the grill.

"Oh, Baiken, I almost forgot! The Jellyfish Pirates are coming!"

"The who?" the pink-haired girl asked, not looking up from the chopping board.

"You know who..." Millia said cheerfully. "Remember May? She's one of them!"

"Oh yeah, her... Why should I care?"

"Well, her friend Johnny booked out half the restaurant for her birthday party, so we'll get a ton of money for the restaurant and ourselves!" The blonde clapped her hands in excitement.

"Birthday party? Oh crap..."


	3. Chapter 2

Hey everyone, it's **Casino Nights** here. Sorry for not updating this fic sooner, but we've both had a ton of exams and more are coming our way... and **Says Emily **_insisted_ that I concentrated on that, but I guess she was right. Anyway, on with the fic!

**Disclaimer: **All characters mentioned here belong to Arc System Works, as well as the entire Guilty Gear franchise.

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**_Chapter 3- GRAND OPENING_**

_Two hours later..._

The workers at Holy Orders were completely tired out. After spending the entire morning preparing, (Mostly consisting of Ky telling Chipp to take some of the Grand Opening posters down, because he'd run out of room and began putting them on the ceiling, the floor, the doors and the counters, obscuring the food prices, and Millia and Baiken preparing a lot more food than they thought they were going to because of the unexpected party arrangements) the moment had finally come for the restaurant to open.

Surprisingly, a rather large crowd of people turned up for this event, all curious about what the new restaurant would have to offer. At the front of the teeming mass of people were none other than all 13 of the Jellyfish Air Pirates (including Johnny, who stood beside them, being practically squished up against the door by the crowd). They all had huge grins on their faces, looking like they were about to explode with happiness, and their eyes were all plastered onto their watches as they waited for the seconds to count down. There were just a couple of minutes to go now...

One of them, sporting a rather large orange pirate hat and a huge anchor strapped to her back, spoke to the captain-as-such, "Thank you, Johnny, for getting us all a table at this place! I've heard so much about it..." She sighed dreamily, her mind drifting off into a land of delicious burgers and fries.

Johnny was quick to answer, "It's nothing, May! You could ask for anything for your birthday, and I would surely try to get it for you." He smiled at her before continuing on, "I knew how excited you were to come here after seeing it on TV last week, so I just _had_ to make reservations for all of us."

They'd all seen the TV advert for it- that Ky had rather unprofessionally put together- and were practically bouncing off of the walls with excitement. Oh, what a disaster _that _was...

FLASHBACK

May, as well as all of the other Pirates, were crowded around a very small TV set that looked quite old. This was strange, considering that they already had a rather futuristic-looking home, but Johnny, rather stupidly, had make lots of 'deals' with various loan sharks in order to pay for all of it. They were strapped for cash at the moment, as they were finally biting him back, but he didn't dare mention anything to the girls. He just kept his false smile as he watched his crewmembers watch the TV, all trying to get a better view of it by violently shoving the other Pirates out of the way. Anyway, their eyes lit up with joy as an advert came on that they were very familiar with, advertising the brand new fast-food outlet, Holy Orders, as if it was the best thing since sliced bread. They all cheered as it started, wanting to go there so badly...

_Chipp was sitting alone at a table in an empty restaurant, seemingly furious at something. On the table was a plate of high-class, top-quality food. "Aw, man... I HATE eating here! There's never anything GOOD to eat!" He banged the table with his fork, accidentally embedding it in the wood._

_Sitting opposite him was a girl with extremely long hair, unmistakably Millia. She had previously been cut off of the screen due to a really wobbly camera shot, and said morosely with a saddened look on her face, "Tell me about it... I wish there was somewhere else we could go..." She put her elbow on the table and slumped forward dramatically, her head resting on her hand. _

_Suddenly, Ky walked onto the screen and proudly stated, putting both of his hands on the two people's shoulders, "Don't worry, my children, there _IS _a better place we can go! And it's opening in just a week's time!"_

_Chipp and Millia both rose their heads up off of the table, as Chipp's had slipped into his food, and said in scarily precise unison, "Oh, boy! Where is this place? I can't wait to go there!"_

_"You want to know what it is?" The 'father' put on a rather noticeably forced laugh. "It's called Holy Orders, where you can get whatever you want!" He then got very serious in tone as all the lights in the room turned off, save for one below his chin, and slowly turned to look directly into the camera, "As long as it's fries, burgers, chicken, fish fingers, chicken, burgers, or fries. NOTHING ELSE." _

_Immediately after he said this, everything went back to normal as if nothing had happened. The seemingly possessed pair below him chanted, "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!", as they rose out of their seats and ran off of the camera's field of view, with Ky laughing behind them, "Children..."_

_If you looked really closely at the back of the dark restaurant room they were 'dining' in at this point in the advert, you could see a tall figure with long black hair walk in through the kitchen and stare at them, absolutely furious and shouting, "KY KISKE, IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF MY RESTAURANT NOW, YOUR HEAD IS GOING UP YOUR OWN-" Although, you could barely hear him over the overly-cheesy music playing that was drowning his voice out intentionally._

_It then cut badly to a video of them outside the Holy Orders restaurant that looked like it had been filmed with a home video camera. They were all standing with their backs to the screen, looking up to the huge sign, and all said out loud, reading it, "HOLY ORDERS- WE TAKE THEM... FOR YOU!"_

Present Day

May was suddenly taken out of her daydreaming phase by Johnny, who said to her, "May! There's only fifteen seconds left until it opens! Get ready to grab a seat as this could get hectic."

Her smile seemed to get even bigger, the corners of her mouth practically reaching her ears, as she said happily, "Let's do a countdown to celebrate! Come on, everyone!" She raised her hands in the air at the crowd behind her as the other Pirates caught on, hoping the majority of the crowd would too. Soon, they were all shouting the numbers and rattling the bars on the doors of the restaurant with glee.

"TEN! NINE! EIGHT!"

Baiken, suddenly becoming aware of what was going on, sighed and said, "They better not do anything stupid..." She was sitting down at one of the tables in the restaurant, fully prepared to run back into the kitchen if needs be to avoid the crushing force of the crowd that she was sure would kill her if she didn't.

"Don't worry, Baiken! This is exciting! I can't wait to meet the Pirates again, I haven't seen them in a while..." Millia said back to her, ecstatic and completely oblivious to what Baiken just said.

"SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!"

Chipp was standing near the door, twitching and unable to keep still. He was going to run the cash machines at the restaurant, however Ky _insisted _that he had to be there to greet the new customers alongside him when it opened. He looked out of the huge front windows at the crowd and gulped. "Ky, if I get flattened, you're coming down with me!" He called out to the man standing on the other side of the door.

"FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!"

Ky opened his arms out wide and said to the crowd outside, "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my grand restaurant, Holy O-" He was unable to finish his sentence as the lock on the door, originally intended to be opened by him when it opened, was ripped apart by the sheer amount of people pushing on the door, letting the crowd pour in in their hundreds...


End file.
